Listening to Internal Talk

When you're feeling sad or lonely consider the possibility that these feelings are a gateway to the present moment. Then sit in a quiet place and listen to your internal talk - what you hear internally in the here and now.

For most people internal talk takes place somewhere between the two ears toward the back of the head (though having said that, you might hear it somewhere else in the body.) Maintain the focus on that location and don't attempt to make talk happen. Simply listen and it will arise.

Soon you may realize that internal talk is very repetitive, much like a broken record. This isn't the kind of thinking that can solve a problem. Instead it's an automatic, conditioned response - a habit all of us fall into. There really isn't any "new" thinking that's taking place when you're in that old habit.

When you are sitting in the midst of your problem,

What is more real to you--your problem or the fact of being here ?

Your presence in the here and now is the ultimate fact.

Suzuki Roshi*

*Kirtan Coan offered this quote.

Knowing and Not Knowing

Have you ever noticed the wave of pleasure that arises when someone appreciates what you're saying? That wave is likely to be more intense when a teacher or a supervisor asks a question and you give the right answer. This need to know is very powerful. In fact we can get "addicted" to the pleasure that knowing triggers.

Have you noticed the wave of discomfort that arises when someone doesn't appreciate what you're saying or when you give your supervisor the wrong answer? Falling into not knowing while trying to get things right can trigger confusion, which is a kind of psychic pain.

Try exploring what happens when, with awareness, you allow yourself not to know. Being neither right nor wrong is like taking a vacation. It frees us from craving the pleasure that comes with knowing and the pain that comes with failing to know

Sitting…Part II

At some time during your meditative journey it’s very likely that you will hear yourself say: “Sitting is hard. My back aches, my mind won’t slow down, and I’m certainly not feeling relaxed. So why in the world am I spending my time meditating?”

This is a defining moment for a meditator because it offers the opportunity to commit to the path even with its difficulties. Sitting is a way to pare down life to the simple. With nothing to distract it’s more likely you will learn how your particular personality works. You may, for instance, hear your internal voice complain about the discomfort.

You may also become aware of certain body sensations, perhaps a tension in your muscles, which for you signifies anger. Continuing to sit, it’s also possible that you will see or imagine an image. Much to your surprise it’s of you and you’re dumping a can of orange paint on the head of the meditation teacher! The idea is so absurd that a bubbly laughter arises from deep inside. Then, quite remarkably, your whole body relaxes and you know you have moved through your anger. “Just think,” you say to yourself, “I almost cut the sit short!”

After the exhilaration of the moment dies down, it might be that both your anger and your physical pain return. That’s when you realize there’s a lot more to learn.

Sitting Part I

What does it mean to “sit” in meditation? Primarily it means to have a sitting practice. Developing one includes establishing a regular time, a special place, and a quiet surround. For some of us those conditions are hard to come by, and we have to make do with less. Even under the best of circumstances establishing a practice can be a challenge. It is much like training to become a long distance runner; when the body becomes habituated, not only is the routine easy, sitting down on the cushion is like coming home.

Here are some suggestions: Make it your intention to meditate daily, and try not to blame yourself when you miss a day, a week, or even several months. Self-blame will make it less likely that you will return. Figure out what time of day is best for your particular body, and then keep to it until the body itself expects to meditate at that moment. I found the key to establishing a practice when I learned to move from my early morning bed, with a quick stop in the bathroom, directly to the cushion

You also need to choose an object to meditate on. Since meditation is a means of exploring who you are and how you perceive the world, it makes sense to focus on your mind/body process. To do this choose one of your six senses; hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, feelings in the body, or thoughts in the mind—after all it’s through your senses that you know yourself and the world.

If you make hearing the object of your meditation, place your attention at your two ears, close your eyes, and listen with awareness. More informally, I enjoy meditating on sound in crowded restaurants. What is initially loud noise can become a symphony. I recall a time in one restaurant when I heard a conversation to my left arise and subside while laughter on my right pierced the flow. In front came the rattle of dishes as a waitress cleared a table, and behind it all was the happy hum of people enjoying themselves.

Impermanence...Part III

How does awareness of our ever-changing emotions affect daily life? A woman I know who is a meditator, and the mother of a ten-year-old boy, sheds some light on the question.

"Sometime late in the afternoon my son, Danny, got antsy and began to run around the living room. Fairly soon I heard my daughter cry. Danny had tripped her. After a mild rebuke, I tried to divert his attention by suggesting that he play a game on his Xbox. You would have thought I told him to eat worms! He stomped and screamed at me, and before I knew it, I was screaming back at him. In my effort to calm him down, I became as out-of-control as he was.

"If only I had remembered to watch my emotions rise, manifest and fade instead of grabbing on and riding them like a bucking bronco. I got thrown and trampled in the process!!!! How I wish I had watched that bucking bronco instead of hopping on!

"This Mom responded to her son's fleeting mood as if it were a mighty force that had to be conquered. In so doing she pumped lots of energy into that late afternoon fiasco. The good news is that she was aware of it and so not completely lost. I wonder what would have happened if she had, as she wished, stepped aside and simply observed her own upset.

What happens for you?

Sitting Part I

What does it mean to “sit” in meditation? Primarily it means to have a sitting practice. Developing one includes establishing a regular time, a special place, and a quiet surround. For some of us those conditions are hard to come by, and we have to make do with less. Even under the best of circumstances establishing a practice can be a challenge. It is much like training to become a long distance runner; when the body becomes habituated, not only is the routine easy, sitting down on the cushion is like coming home.

Here are some suggestions: Make it your intention to meditate daily, and try not to blame yourself when you miss a day, a week, or even several months. Self-blame will make it less likely that you will return. Figure out what time of day is best for your particular body, and then keep to it until the body itself expects to meditate at that moment. I found the key to establishing a practice when I learned to move from my early morning bed, with a quick stop in the bathroom, directly to the cushion

You also need to choose an object to meditate on. Since meditation is a means of exploring who you are and how you perceive the world, it makes sense to focus on your mind/body process. To do this choose one of your six senses; hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, feelings in the body, or thoughts in the mind—after all it’s through your senses that you know yourself and the world. .

If you make hearing the object of your meditation, place your attention at your two ears, close your eyes, and listen with awareness. More informally, I enjoy meditating on sound in crowded restaurants. What is initially loud noise can become a symphony. I recall a time in one restaurant when I heard a conversation to my left arise and subside while laughter on my right pierced the flow. In front came the rattle of dishes as a waitress cleared a table, and behind it all was the happy hum of people enjoying themselves.

Impermanence...Part III

How does awareness of our ever-changing emotions affect daily life? A woman I know who is a meditator, and the mother of a ten-year-old boy, sheds some light on the question.

"Sometime late in the afternoon my son, Danny, got antsy and began to run around the living room. Fairly soon I heard my daughter cry. Danny had tripped her. After a mild rebuke, I tried to divert his attention by suggesting that he play a game on his Xbox. You would have thought I told him to eat worms! He stomped and screamed at me, and before I knew it, I was screaming back at him. In my effort to calm him down, I became as out-of-control as he was.

"If only I had remembered to watch my emotions rise, manifest and fade instead of grabbing on and riding them like a bucking bronco. I got thrown and trampled in the process!!!! How I wish I had watched that bucking bronco instead of hopping on!"

This Mom responded to her son's fleeting mood as if it were a mighty force that had to be conquered. In so doing she pumped lots of energy into that late afternoon fiasco. The good news is that she was aware of it and so not completely lost. I wonder what would have happened if she had, as she wished, stepped aside and simply observed her own upset.

What happens for you?